Stuff RUF People Like

Inspired by the popular article "Stuff White People Like", as well as the recent Carolina RUF Fall Conference at Camp Greystone, I present to all reformed presbyterians, the stuff that consumes (or is predestined to one day consume) their lives.

We'll start with the basics...

1) Chacos
Somewhere out there, Teva is trying to find a way to sue RUF as payback for running them out of business. Chacos have become such an RUF staple, that they're almost too obvious to put on here. The rainy weather at Greystone this weekend brought the Chacos out in hoards. "When the rains came, God commanded Noah to put two of every kind in the ark, including Chacos."

2) Salomons
Leave it to RUF to wear shoes that sound just like a king from the old testamant. Once it gets cold, the Chacos go to the closet and the Salomons come out. How many times do we actually use the shoes for their intended purposes (i.e. trail running or mountain climbing)? Uhhh....

Which leads to number 3...
3) "Getting as close to nature/ being as outdoorsy as possible without ever really roughing it"
This one's a little vague, but I'll explain...
One word: Greystone. Yeah, it's a camp, and it's in the Blue Ridge Mountains, and it looks kind of rustic from the outside...but let's be honest, the place is a resort. The cabin I stayed in this weekend was more domestic than my bedroom growing up. We had stand-up lamps and air conditioning and waited about 2 seconds for the water to get warm.
So Greystone is the perfect place for an RUF conference. Outdoorsy, rustic, but very convenient and comfortable. We can bring our Chacos and our Patagonia but never get a mosquito bite. Ideal.

4) Banjos/ Bluegrass
Only at an RUF event do you have a bluegrass band play right after small group discussions over the gospel of Luke. What is it about bluegrass that Calvinists love so much? I still haven't figured it out, but I think it's two things:
4a.) Banjos
RUF people LOVE BANJOS. I can't explain this one; they just do.
4b.) Line dancing/ Swing dancing
"Hey baptists, see us over here line dancing?? We're really doing it! You hate dancing, but we love it! Jesus went to weddings, and what do they do at weddings? Dance!"

5) The Avett Brothers
Take me to your RUF large group and show me one person that doesn't have the Avett Brothers on their Ipod, and I will show you five that do. What's so funny is that the Avett's don't even play the banjo (see above) in the traditional manner. But what do we care? It's still the banjo. Ignorance is bliss.

While we're on music...

6) U2
I think I've heard references to U2 in presbyterian sermons more than any other non-biblical entity. Why? They represent everything that reformed theology loves when it comes to the arts. Beautiful music, not sacrificing beauty/ selling out, Christian undertones, etc.

7) Flannery O'Connor
I'm perusing the "book table" at the RUF retreat, which is put on by GoodTheology.com (great website)... I see Calvin, I see Sproul, I see Luther, I see... O'Connor.
O'Connor?? The devout Southern Catholic?? Yes, that's the one.
Oh I just love this one. Leave it to RUF to take a Catholic writer like O'Connor and claim her and her stories of redemption for the reformed kingdom. I've been doing it since 11th grade when I read "A Good Man is Hard to Find".

7a.) Walker Percy
I didn't even know who Walker Percy was before this summer at Alpine, and now I hear his name everywhere. He's similar to O'Connor--southern, Catholic, borderline-existential. I can't get enough of him, and apparently neither can RUF ministers.

8) ESV Study Bibles
I admit, I have one. Admit it, if you go to RUF, you do to. And if you don't have the study Bible, you at least have the ESV pocket Bible. Did you know that John Calvin only preached out of the ESV Bible? No, kidding, that's not true--it wasn't invented until 2001. But you would think that he did.

9) Coffee/Tea
This probably goes under "Stuff White People Like", but I think it can apply here too. It's pretty self-explanatory. RUF intern: "So I'll see you at Local Coffeeshop X in the morning before your 9 AM class?"
RUF student: "See you there."

10) Iphones
And on the third day, God created iPhones. And RUF ministers saw that they were good. Their recording devices, easy internet access, and text messaging capabilities make them a minister's must-have. Mine (Kevin Teasley) will be the first to tell you.

Honorable Mention (or being saved for next time): bonfires, ultimate frisbee, Indelible Grace, going to extreme measures to make sure they get to watch their college football team play during free time at fall conference, letter-writing, Patagonia everything, G.K. Chesterton, djembes, Tim Keller.

Is this just a list of stuff I like? If you feel offended, know that I have only offended myself.

Until next time.

Untitled #1(falling leaves)

The summer days are gone too soon
You shoot the moon
And miss completely
And now you're left to face the gloom
The empty room that once smelled sweetly
Of all the flowers you plucked if only
You knew the reason
Why you had to each be lonely
Was it just the season?

Now the fall is here again
You can't begin to give in
-Norah Jones

What's up blogosphere? Rhetorical question. Don't answer. Just read the blog. Unless you're named Norah Jones. Then you can answer, and I'll ask you for your phone number, and then you may proceed to read the blog...
Did you notice my indie title to this blog post? Numbers, vague parenthetical statement, lowercase letters. I thought I did a pretty good job. I flatter myself.

Inspired by Mr. Abraham, I too decided to make a September playlist. Fall is truly a magical time. I always get pretty reminiscent, nostalgic. It reminds me of my days as a young Volunteer, riding through the Tennessee hills to watch the Vols when they were actually relevant. Now all I hear about are Rebels and the Crimson Tide. Spare me.
I digress (When do i not? Rhetorical). Enjoy.

1. Shoot the Moon-Norah Jones

Ms. Jones,
Or is it "Mrs. Jones"? If it is, than I might as well stop now. But if you're out there, and you're reading this, and you're still single, come to Winston-Salem. Quickly.

2. Murray-Pete Yorn
Fall of my sophomore year of high school, someone burned me Yorn's musicforthemorningafter album, and it didn't leave my cd player for two weeks. That was my first fall as a legal driver, and this song still takes me back.

3. Dogs-Damien Rice
Just a good song. I still don't know why he decided to name it dogs. I mean, I like dogs, and it talks about dogs running, but it's not about dogs. Whatever. I'm over it. At least it's not cats. If you're a cat-lover, we need to talk...and don't bother driving to Winston-Salem.

4. Pretty Girl at the Airport- Avett Brothers
My favorite Avetts' song at the moment. It's just beautiful. "Wish me luck, I know you think I'll need it." They always have a way of mixing sarcasm and irony and longing and regret into this heartbreaking synthesis of song-writing. It's really not even fair how good they are.

5. These Days-Jackson Browne
This is where the nostalgia comes in. Browne is always overshadowed by James Taylor, but he might be as good.

6.Blue Ridge Mountains- Fleet Foxes
Mountains. An excuse to make the long drive to Wake Forest even after realizing it's 10 hours away from most SEC schools. Listen to Fleet Foxes' whole album on the way.

7. Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses?- U2
I'm in countdown mode until October 3rd, when my life will change in the hands of Bono and Co. in Raleigh. This is one of my all-time U2 favorites, and one of my favorite descriptions of a girl in all of songwriting. I'd love to meet her-- and her wild horses-- as long as she doesn't break my heart. Even if she does, to say I dated the same girl as Bono...

8. In An Aeroplane Over the Sea- matt pond PA
Somewhere Monty Miller is saying he will "literally kill me" because I didn't put the original Neutral Milk Hotel version of this song. For whatever reason, I like this one more. I think it's the intro, maybe, I don't know. What is certain is that the imagery of the song is just phenomenal.

9.Daylight- Jump, Little Children
This goes out to Matt King. Jump is one of the most underrated bands of the 90s. If you haven't heard them, listen to the "Between the Dim and the Dark" album. They found a sound on that album that is just unbelievable. This is one of the better songs from it.

10. I Got a Name- Jim Croce
Makes me think of driving through the mountains. Fall. That is all.

11. For Emma- Bon Iver
My roommate (Alexander Ivey) and I recently named the Bon Iver album the official sound of our dorm room for this semester. The man-crush continues... and I'm perfectly okay with it. Look up the lyrics for this song. It gives it a whole new meaning, and makes it that much more impressive.

12. Portland is Leaving- Rocky Volotalo
Some would call this "Johnny Smackers" music. Cliche singer-songwriter dude with cult following. I don't care if it is. Count me as a member of rocky's rowdies... Bad joke. Moving on.

13. The Sun Also Sets- Ryan Adams
I second everything Sumner said about Ryan Adams. If I was him, i'm 99.9% sure I could get a date with Norah Jones- Ms. OR Mrs.

14. Murder of One-Counting Crows
Hey Jordan, you just put this song on here because it's from the album "August and Everything After", and it's now September, which is, well, after August. Okay, you caught me. Now if you're a girl, come to Winston-Salem and get here before Norah Jones or Bono's wild horse girl, because you might be as nerdy and lyrical as I am and I think we just might work. Maybe.

15. Why does it Always Rain on Me? (rhetorical)- Travis
"The better 90's British band not named Coldplay or Radiohead", Travis, puts their bitter rival Oasis to shame. In one of their songs, they ask, "And what's a 'wonderwall' anway?" Haha. Funny. Does no one else think that's funny? Okay. Maybe not. ITunes has destroyed all musical rivalry/jabs/humor. Anyways, "Why does it always..." is wonderful songwriting. I'm partial to anything with a violin in the fall.

That's all I've got. Blogging is cool. U2 is in 17 days. Sumner, 2 days until...well, nevermind.

Peace out to all my followers. There are four of you.

Do you remember the 21st night of September?

The title of this post is a loaded statement. In 2009, this happens to be the night before the Avett Brothers roll into Oxford. I haven't been more excited for a musical event in my life. It should be fantastic. Oxford will be graced by THE John Carpenter; we better start resting now.

This title also points to the purpose of this post: my September playlist. Call me crazy (I hope you do), but I make a playlist for every month. Sometimes I make multiple ones, but I always try and set up the month in my life with music that defines it. I am a lyricist. I am done trying to disown it; I am proud to be a lyricist. With that though comes a few exceptions to the rule, but there is one main exception. If the music is just horrible, I could care less with what it is saying. I listen to the music for the lyrical content, but if the music doesn't support the conscious of the lyric, then I toss it. For this simple reason, music is an impressive and necessary art form. I could go on, but for the reader's sake, I digress.

To get to the meat of it all, here my friends is my September 2009 Playlist:

1. I'm the Man Who Loves You- Wilco: this song just seems appropriate for this time of year. I will say this, I am disappointed that Wilco probably will not come to Oxford ever again because of the ignorant and disrespectful people who talked the whole show to the point to where Jeff Tweedy had to tell them to shut up, in a much more profane way, on three occasions. That is flat out embarrassing. This song reminds me of football season, so that is why it is numero uno on the playlist.

2. Swept Away- The Avett Brothers: Where is Hank Currin when you need him? This song takes me back to camp. Pud, Harrison, Kelsey, R. Kelly, Hank, and Monty's version of this might be better than the original. There is a theme so far of these songs, that is implicit in my mind. To some of the co-writers, I am sure it is too. I will leave it at that.

3. Daylight- Matt & Kim: This song reminds me of driving with John Carpenter and Daniel Wynn heading to Chattanooga on a night out. Those were the days. Also, the 405 had a miserably failing attempt at a dance party the other night (I am man enough to say it was a flop; Dent May is right "you can't force a dance party"), and we were listening to this song that whole night. Great song, this album though is not all that great; my advice is to stick with solely this single.

4. Skinny Love- Bon Iver: This song is quickly climbing into the Top 10 of my "Overall Song" Power Rankings (if you don't know, I have a Power Rankings for, well, everything; literally). This blog has a man crush on this album and singer-songwriter; I'm okay with that. I could go on, but for my personal sake, I will stop with simply this: this song reminds me of the cold (and the summer), so will probably find its way on every month's playlist until March. You have been warned.

5. Wake Up- Arcade Fire: Speaking of Hank Currin, there was no better thing that walking out of church at camp with "the band" playing this, and having half the staff singing as they were simultaneously thinking about how glorious softball and fellowship would be that night. I overlooked this song when I first bought the album "Funeral", and Monty Miller is responsible for me falling for it. "Children wake up..."- there is something pretty thought provoking about those lines. Grade A.

6. Heretics- Andrew Bird: This song is simply "the fall". I like it, and it brings back good memories. I associate every song with where I was when I really enjoyed it, or with a particular experience. I categorize music in my mind, for better or for worse, and this song simply places me in a good place.

7. Make Light- Passion Pit: Don't call it a comeback. I am a Passion Pit fan. It is kind of "Houston Calls"-esque. For the co-writers sake, it is kind of like some "Format" stuff. It is a quality CD, and will be a favorite for the fall. Doesn't compliment the Ole Miss Alma Mater very well, but it will do. Who ever said a change of pace wasn't a good thing. Shaggy said it best, "It wasn't me."

8. Come Pick Me Up- Ryan Adams: If I could play/write/sing/be like Ryan Adams, I am 99.9999% certain I would not be single. This song reminds me of a late night and people being a little liquored up. For better or for worse, this song resonates with me the fall.

9. You and I- Ingrid Michaelson: This song is in my Top 5 in the Power Rankings. Unreal. I don't like any of her other stuff, but I love this song. Talk about a song that allows your mind to wonder. I am comfortable enough in my own sexuality to say that. Thank you Jonathan Franklin, Maroda, and Jordan for introducing me to it this summer. This song is Biblical.

10. The Swimming Song- Loudon Wainright III: Reminds me of this summer. Good outro song from summer into fall. The song is much smoother than the physical transition itself.

11. So Far Around the Bend- The National: This "Dark Was the Night" compilation/album is awesome. I categorize The National with the winter, but this song is fall. There is a lot of imagery associated here. If you know me at all, you can imagine. That can go several directions, and directions off those directions. Most people probably don't follow that.

12. Fake Palindromes- Andrew Bird: I wish Andrew Bird was playing this fall. You cannot not like this song. That is sinful if you do.

13. Go To Sleep- The Avett Brothers: I can't wait until next Tuesday. This song has the Fall feel as well. I might as well not write anything out beside these because I keep saying the same thing. This song does have the feel of fall. You can't deny it.

14. Laundry Room- The Avett Brothers: There is only one word to describe this song: beautiful. This is my favorite Avett Bros song at the moment, but that changes almost daily. Their new CD will be almost as good as their show next week. I wish that everyone would come to it and stay at our house. The beginning lyrics of this song are unreal, and the jam session at the end is neat-o.

15. Jesus, etc.- Wilco: "Tall buildings shake

Voices escape singing sad sad songs
Tuned to chords strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit around". Let us pray.

16. Tomorrow is a Long Time- Nickel Creek: The title says it all. If I can find a girl that can sing like that, well, sign her up for at least a trip to Bottletree.

17. You Belong With Me- Taylor Swift: What was once a guilty pleasure is now simply a pleasure. I have no guilt in saying this- I like Taylor Swift. I think it is catchy, and it is comical at points. I plan on putting both her CDs into my iTunes library. Will I pay for them? No. But I will have them to where I can listen to them on demand.

That is all for September. I will leave you with what Earth Wind and Fire has to say about this lovely month. Goodnight and good luck boys and girls.

"Do you remember the 21st night of september?
Love was changing the minds of pretenders
While chasing the clouds away

Our hearts were ringing
In the key that our souls were singing.
As we danced in the night,
Remember how the stars stole the night away

Ba de ya - say do you remember
Ba de ya - dancing in september
Ba de ya - never was a cloudy day

My thoughts are with you
Holding hands with your heart to see you
Only blue talk and love,
Remember how we knew love was here to stay

Now december found the love that we shared in september.
Only blue talk and love,
Remember the true love we share today

Ba de ya - say do you remember
Ba de ya - dancing in september
Ba de ya - never was a cloudy day

Ba de ya - say do you remember
Ba de ya - dancing in september
Ba de ya - golden dreams were shiny days"

"you gotta look out for love"

it's fitting that my first post be from a coffee shop (not one actually called a "coffeeshop", but a real one, an indie one, called "a market"), a "market" that plays arcade fire's funeral as i sip my drink aptly named a noah's float. i love biblical allusions, especially when they involve ice cream, as this coffee and haagen dazs concoction dazs. i know that was bad but i'm trying

yes i agree. A.I. is the greatest thing to hit memphis since hurricane elvis in '02, maybe that was a bad thing. i guess the answer may be not be a good fit either. let's just hope allen doesn't chop down the trees in my front yard like hurricane elvis did when he was takin' care of business via freakin' fast gusts of wind.

bon iver. good winter. if lollapalooza taught me one thing, it was the correct pronunciation of this band's french name. no, wisconsin was not recently acquired by our liberal, fry-cooking foes from across the atlantic, vernon, as he is commonly known, by us, the only ones who matter, and of course the ones to whom "it" doesn't matter, yeah they matter too, chose the name out of his experience in the cold. the cold winter in a cabin in the woods in wisconsin. rough life. excellent writing material.

i too have been afflicted by this record's indie-ness, an indie-ness that deserves not to be ruined by pop moguls and their money making record labels. if our buddy vern wanted some cashola, i doubt he would've slept in a log cabin for a good chunk of time. rather, he would've been selling himself like a woman of the night to any greasy-haired, pinstriped, suit-wearing pimp of the music industry willing and able to ravage the wisconsonite's musical genius and innocence. i apologize for the vivid imagery. i have a vivid imagination. and for that i will make no apology.

aimless. random. pointless. this post could fall under all of these categories, but i'm a student, not a teacher. i'm learning and will improve. life doesn't always have a thesis. my english paper though will not improve with my insightful rambling on the blog, so as the muses have called me i must bid thee farewell to tend to my own attempt of literary critique. hemingway's "the snows of kilimanjaro"

books, greisy.

i'm not worried about it though.

for rivers, because it's a short story- rsaIV

if hind-sight wasn’t already 20/20, it was now. the simple fact for robert was that he always found a chance. he wasn’t a betting man, by society’s measure, but he begged to be the definition and nothing short of it. he called it being a Flume. it took him a little while to realize what he had, but once he did, he laughed; he laughed out loud.

the only thing he could tell about the opposite sex was that milk from the farm came from female cows. his favorite cow, he called Emma. other than that, he was indifferent. he was numb to it all, and he thought there was no sense in really evaluating or investigating it further. he would sit in his chair with his coffee as he read this really old book every morning as the sun came up just across the field. he could feel the bad days coming as soon as the sun was visible. once he felt them, he did a little better during the day than others. behind closed doors vernon was a different person. he went from quiet to silent, and from thoughtful to worried. i guess that what happens when a man lives by himself for the thirty years following the last year of school in the tenth grade, if you could even call central high a school at that point. if he couldn’t play football, he didn’t need to be there; so he left. or maybe the Team just left him behind.

this sounds like a morbid existence, but vernon knew no better. he was glad he got himself to where he was. farming meant a Lump Sum, which meant food, and the simplicity of life made it something where he knew nothing else. contentment was more of his worldview than a state of mind.

there was something though that he always thought about, and when he had that spare time in the morning and at night before it was time to get his tasks done, his mind drifted. Imagination is one hell of an idea. you have to keep on trying avoiding placing yourself in alternate realities. vernon had placed himself in so many that it was as if during the day was his escape from his real life- expectation. in reality, he was internationally known for his efficiency and supremacy in the cotton industry. in his mind, he was working himself into a state of depression because nobody even knew his farm existed outside of the people in the county who bought from him so that they wouldn’t have to travel and support the conglomerates that had already left the county to rot and ruin.

there was always the chance that what he had hoped for would come true. there was always the chance that something else besides the colors of the cotton fields would be revealed upon sunrise. there was always the chance that maybe one day he would have a visitor. there was always the chance that while he was lying here in this cabin by himself that what he was writing would make it. there was always the chance that this idea of reality was nothing more than an alternative way for him to write to Emma. though it was forever ago, dreaming like a forgotten farmer was a simple way to take his mind off of what was, Forever Ago. this Skinny Love Blindsided him, just like when The Wolves struck Creature Fear into his soul.

he decided to write. maybe this was good, and maybe this was bad. he got out what he wanted. after all the time by himself, this is it. he titled it “For Emma”:

someday my pain, someday my pain will mark you harness your blame, harness your blame and walk through with the wild wolves around you

in the morning, i'll call you send it farther on solace my game, solace my game

it stars you swing wide your crane, swing wide your crane and run me through

and the story's all over you In the morning i'll call you can't you find a clue when your eyes are all painted sinatra blue what might have been lost - there's a pull to the flow

my feet melt the snow for the irony, i'd rather know 'cause blinded i was blindsided.

i am,

vernon

he wrote more, but it was all lost in the Stacks. Re, Stacks. i guess some good things are universal. that is what he learned and taught all those who stayed on the row after he left. thank you vernon, thank you.

The Self-Undermining Nature of the Indie World, and Why "For Emma, Forever Ago" is a Masterpeice

Indie.

The word itself conjures up images of Toms, hoodies, and late nights searching the internet for that next big (but hopefully not TOO big) artist that you can tell all your friends about.

It's a tight rope that these artists and their underground followings walk.

You're 15, you listen to Bob Dylan, you pick up a guitar, you write some songs, you go to college, you drop out, you get inspired, you record an album without a record label, and you wait for those music stalkers to find you.

Maybe lots of them find you, and pretty soon you've got that record label. You go in to a real recording studio (the garage doesn't work anymore), you record an album, and then your fans complain that it's too produced, that you've lost your inspiration, that you've sold out, and that you've let them down.

Likewise, these indie singer-songwriter fans walk on thin ice.

"Hey, have you heard singer-songwriter X?"

"No, is he good?"

"So good. I listened to his new album 7 times straight last night while I made sketches in my moleskine and read Kurt Vonnegut...You should check it out. It only has 5 album reviews on iTunes so no one really knows about him yet. And besides, like half the songs have numbers or parenthetical clauses in their titles, which automatically makes them cool." (Note: has anyone noticed this trend? See Arcade Fire, "Neighborhood #1,2,3,4", which have their respective parenthetical names)

"Dude I'll definitely check out singer-songwriter X then."

(2 months later)

"Hey man, what did you think of X's album?"

"Dude I loved it. Like 2 days after I listened to it, he was the iTunes single of the week. There are like 95 album reviews now. All my friends love him now, too."

"What?? Are you serious? How many of them did you tell??? Dang, man. He's just not that cool anymore. Let me guess, he's probably about to sign with a record label too."

"Yeah, actually he is...or at least that's what pitchfork.com says."

"Sell-out. I'm over him."


I've seen this happen too many times...Too many times, I've done it myself. It's hilarious, really, and that being said, I move on to part 2 of this post.

Bon Iver, indie singer-songwriter Justin Vernon's current band, broke out into the indie scene in February 2008, and has since lived the life of indie paradise.

Songs on One Tree Hill and numerous other primetime television series, great review by Uncut and other music publications, "8th most listened-to artist on Last.fm in the year 2008", how could this guy ask for more?


In the last month, I can't really ask for more either. I've listened to this album circa 25 times, and I've probably sketched in my moleskine while doing so. Initially, you like "Skinny Love"and you think it's cool that he wrote the album while spending the winter alone in a cabin.

But then, if you're anything like me (which hopefully you're not), you can't stop listening to this 9 song, 39 minute masterpiece.

It's beautiful, it's haunting, and it's short enough that it always leaves you wanting more. The orchestral intro to "Lump Sum", the sudden bursts of emotion in "Creature Fear", the last 20 seconds of "Blindsided"--it's almost not even fair how good it is.

The sign of a masterpiece is that it never gets old. At this rate, "For Emma..." is on it's way.

And so, one night this past summer, three of this blog's contributers sat in a room and listened to this album straight through more than once, and talked about the finer things in life and pretended like they were really indie.

If you read this blog, and you haven't heard this album, buy it.

But whatever you do, don't tell your friends about it, or Vernon and Co. will get that record label and self-destruct.

Indie.

...More Like Scoring Champion Reigns

Greetings to the blogging world. My piece of unsolicited advice for this Creepy Thursday (hello Southside) is to get a Twitter for the reason, if you only need one of them, of following John Mayer. This guy is hilarious and lives in a world of his own. Quality has no better exhibit than this.

This post's purpose is twofold: first and foremost, to refute Jordan's absurd claims about A.I.'s acquisition by the now (by that I mean 24 hour

s ago "now") Memphis Grizzlies. The second is to give a nice complimentary subsidy to the football wrap-up that Jordan eloquently placed before us a few days ago. Oh and one more thing- Rivers and Stephen, where the hell are yall? Let's go; this blog needs four legs/wheels.

The Memphis Grizzlies. The first four words that come to mind when I hear those three words in their own independent clause are: Maroda, Griesbeck, Vic, and Wyatt. The reason for this- the best thing this franchise had going for it prior to the Iverson acquisition was disillusioned fans that hoped that maybe one day a worthless franchise might crack the top 8 and head to the NBA playoffs, maybe win a series, and maybe develop one of their draft picks into a hall of fame player. I can make this claim and jab at these type fans because I am one myself in regards to every sport that lies under the cursed realm of Ole Miss Sports. My pain and misery is much worse and more years have been taken off my life because of this consistent let down than Grizzlies fans. Anyhow, yesterday marked a milestone in that the Grizzlies showed some signs of life by spending money and going to get a phenomenal basketball player. Iverson will sell tickets, jerseys, provide hope to the city of Memphis, make this team exponentially better, and provide a mentor for the very talented and shaky Memphis youngsters, who have enough talent and potential to be Western Conference contenders in a few years. Potential is the saddest word in the dictionary. Might be cliche, but it is too true to be something to write off.

The man above will help the Grizzlies in a big way and immediately. This guy is a scoring champion, has been to the finals, is an All-Star, a future hall of famer, and one more thing, people said that when he took the Hoyas to the Final Four as a freshman he had potential. He will help these guys out in PRACTICE and in games. He is clutch player who can close out games. Is he Kobe or Lebron? No, but he sure as hell beats having Mike Miller taking your final shot to win the game. All the doubters about AI coming to Memphis need to go home. Without him, the franchise is out of Memphis in 24 months or less. I will argue, that with this aquisition and 3 first round draft picks next summer with the biggest free agency period in the history of the league, that Memphis will be a sexy pick to win the Western Conference in 2011. You heard it here first. Use the 3 picks to get a great post player to add to Iverson, Gay, Mayo and Randolph and you have a stout starting line up that would have Beale St. so hopping that I might even have to head up there for a game and a gin and tonic. To more important, and season-relevant news.

Football season has arrived- God bless America. The SEC again has shown that it is supreme, even though the Georgia Bulldogs played like girls in Stillwater against a highly overrated Oklahoma State team. I will say this though, Oklahoma State deserves that win after the money that they have dumped into their football program in the past year. Stillwater was not bothered by this Depression-esque recession, I guess.

The Big 12 took a huge hit when Sam Bradford and #3 Oklahoma went down this past weekend. Take the Sooners out of the top 25 and go ahead and pack that pioneering wagon for 2010, because their season is over. At least it should be, don't jeopardize Bradford's future for a few wins and then a thrashing in a bowl game by an SEC team.

I would also like to commend Barrett Jones on his start. He is a stud and great job starting for the Crimson Tide. That is a big deal. I hate to rain on the Jones parade, but son, please tell me what in the world you are going to do when this guy lines up across from you in 30 days-

Dear Barrett,

I can't read, but I will gladly welcome you to "The Landsharks" on October 10th. Look forward to putting you on your butt 3 yards in the backfield every play.

Hotty Toddy,

Jerrell Powe

THE matchup that I am looking forward to the most that weekend is not Ole Miss vs Alabama, but Jones vs Powe. Gah, I can't wait. For the sole reason of one guy is illiterate and is wildly entertaining and one guy is a great guy and friends with my boys from Memphis. Can't wait. The 405 will be running a bed and breakfast that week as well, all are welcome. Oxford will be the number one destination of that weekend (and yes, I know LSU and Florida are playing that weekend; who cares).

That is all I have. I only talk Rebel and SEC football. Just to prove Ole Miss is legitimate, or boost my own confidence, the ESPN twitter posted that Dexter McCluster has swine flu and was rushed to the hospital. Yes I do have a twitter. In the words of the one and only Bob Knight, "When my time on earth is gone, and my activities here are passed, I want they bury me upside down, and my critics can kiss my ass!"

Have a great weekend football fans. Hotty Toddy

Grizzlies sign Iverson, and Cynicism Reigns...

Let's start this post out with some simple math...the kind they sadly neglect to teach kids in any Memphis City School not named White Station...

How many minutes are in an NBA basketball game? (Pause...) 48 minutes!

How many games are in an NBA season? Guesses? 82 games!

How many players can a basketball team put on the court at once? 5!

How many shots did the Memphis Grizzlies attempt last season? (No answer...) 6,311.

How many shots did Rudy Gay, O.J. Mayo, Zach Randolph, and Allen Iverson take, combined, last season? 4,252. (Note: Allen Iverson only played in 57 games because he quit the Pistons early...if he had played,say, 75 games, the total would be 4, 615)

Final Question: What is 6,311 minus 4,615?
Final Answer: 1,696.

So, Memphis Grizzlies fans (if you're still out there) this is a ballpark estimate of how many shots will NOT be taken by Iverson, Randolph, Gay and Mayo this year.

That number of remaining shots almost disappears if you give Mike Conley and Marc Gasol their career averages.

So, Mr. Thabeet, welcome to Memphis. This year, we will give you 57 shots.

Sammy Young, it's a tough economy...we're thinking 14.

DeMarre Carroll, how many shots did you take against Memphis in the Sweet 16 last year? 11? Okay, that sounds about right...

Here's the point: if you look at the Grizzlies' signing of Allen Iverson strictly from a numerical standpoint, it doesn't quite add up. There's only one basketball, and it can only pass through one pair of hands at once.

Look at it theoretically, and the final analysis doesn't get much better.

"We're gonna build through the draft", "Three year plan", "Our focus is the development of young talent"...those statements now carry about as much weight as a Willie Herenton mayoral resignation statement. Young draftees will be sitting on the bench, Mayo will be fighting to get the ball, and Rudy Gay will be faking injuries like it's his job.

Geoff Calkins said it best in the Commercial Appeal: the Grizzlies have become a freak show.

Teams have gotten away with only having one thug in the past. Alone, Iverson may have behaved. But he has more to feed off of than an all-you-can-eat buffet in the hefty Zach Randolph.

Randolph says he's a changed man; he took his family to Disneyworld this summer.

I can't wait to go with my family to Disneyworld when I come home for the Christmas holidays. I won't have to go any further than the FedExForum. They called the Pyramid the "Tomb of Doom." I heard they want to rename the Forum the "Tower of Terror".

Iverson will be in Memphis for one year, in which he will cry, complain, and get kicked out of more than one Beale Street bar.

Come April, I think Memphis fans will want him kicked out of the arena just off Beale Street.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Thoughts on Week One of the College Football Season

I spent somewhere between 60 to 70 percent of my waking hours watching college football this weekend, so i think that justifies a few simple observations.

Thought #1: Good to see that Erin Andrews is still on the sidelines after that terrible situation this offseason. We wish her the best, and hope that justice is done to the culprit/creepshow.
#2: DeAngelo Williams' interview during the Memphis-Ole Miss game was out of control. He has more energy than Rivers Myres at Monday Night Billiards.
#3: If you watched ESPN Sunday afternoon, and you have never been to Memphis, than you probably think that the city is comprised solely of Graceland, the Mississippi River, Graceland, barbeque, and Graceland. There's alot more to see than the aforementioned, like Stephen Maroda.
#4: Shout-out to my boy Barrett Jones, who made his first career start at right guard for the Alabama Crimson Tide. Did you know that Alabama has won 12 national championships? They never mentioned it...
#5: Did you know that USC started a true freshman at quarterback? ESPN never mentioned it...
#6: Ole Miss and Alabama have really good defenses.
#7: I don't think Wake Forest has a defense this year.
#8: Game to watch this weekend: UCLA at Tennessee.
Maybe I'm biased, because I'll be there in person, but this should be a great game. Are Tennessee's freshmen for real? Is UCLA improved after another year under Neuheisal?
#9: Phillip Fulmer ate my preseason predictions blog, but don't worry about it, they'll all be right.

Welcome

This is going to be taken back to the place where it all began. Some call it the row, I call it home. I lived there for 12 weeks and couldn't have had a better time. We will bring part of our lives from there into your lives here. You will be glad you read, and if we made you curious or made you think we are crazy, then we succeeded. How are we going to do this, you ask? Well, we aren't that worried about it.